Things I’m afraid to tell you – Part 2

Image borrowed from Jess

I have been reading lots of inspirational stories that other bloggers (long long list of them below!) have been writing about something they’re scared to tell the world and wanted to write my own, so here goes, I’m quite anxious about posting this, at one point I wasn’t going to but of you’re reading this now, hello and welcome.

I had written a long post explaining how I have lacked in confidence all of my life, I’m naturally quite shy, I struggled academically with reading and writing at school but it went unnoticed somehow because I’d always get average grades and although I’ve had an arty and creative education, I’ve really struggled with being creative and battled against being a perfectionist.

Then I realised, all of that, it’s all getting better. Last year, I was more confident and creative than the year before, this year I’ve read more than I did last year and enjoyed it. I write on this blog and get better at it every time (I’m not sure if anyone reads it but nevertheless…hello, welcome, come in and I appreciate you staying if you’ve visited before). This change in view is why this post is called ‘part 2.’

If you’d said to me a couple of years ago that I’d be working as part of the print team in a sports marketing agency, designing, speaking to clients and suppliers on the phone (yes, on the phone!) I would have probably laughed in your face and called you a liar (sorry if I did!) Dialling someone’s number on the phone, who wasn’t one of my friends or my mum was the stuff of nightmares just a couple of years ago, I’d have to plan exactly what I was going to say and if the conversation didn’t go as planned, I’d get all tongue tied and embarrassed at the very best of times, I’d dread ringing people up, I can’t imagine that now, I’d never get anything done!!

I danced a lot as a child too and it was confidence and self belief that always held me back, I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to do a particular dance without someone else in front of me, the confidence did seem to get less and less of a problem and I think if I was to do a dance now, I’d have to know it for myself, I know I’d work hard at knowing the steps so that I could do it on my own. What I’m trying to say with this is: I’ve learned to rely on myself a lot more, I’m starting to believe that I can do things that I never thought possible. I’m not sure if it’s just an experience thing or a growing up thing but I’ve definitely been able to work through some of these things so that they aren’t such a problem anymore and I’m so glad that I have. I still have days when I believe I’m rubbish and can’t do anything and just want to hide in a hole but I think to myself, ‘hey, I did this yesterday, why not today?’

All of the problems that I mentioned earlier are still very much a working progress. I am still very much a perfectionist and beat myself up about certain things but again, I’m working on it and these moments where I ‘beat myself up’ are becoming less and less, (and just so you know, it’s not a physical beating up, more of a ‘ooh Sian you silly girl, you shoulda/woulda/coulda…’ kind of thing!)

Being a perfectionist really held me back recently because I really want to start selling my own greetings cards again, I’ve got loads of other ideas too that I want to work on but I was too focused on it all being perfect, first of all, I was looking at other people who have their own businesses and how they’ve got it all set up and all sorted, their products were so nice, why can’t mine be like that? But I hadn’t put any work in, drawings that I had done just weren’t right but I’d only had time to do a few, perfection isn’t  going to happen by magic Sian! It seems silly to think of it now but I’ve realised that I just needed to find the time to put the work in. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote up a plan and here I am, I’ve been able to write a few blog posts and I’ve had ideas for regular features, I’ve drawn lots and lots of ideas for card designs and I’ve come up with a small plan for the big project that I’m keeping secret! Plus, I’m still working full time!

So, it’s all getting there, this post should really be called ‘things I’m proud to tell you’. I’m not scared, I haven’t got it all sorted, but has anyone? I’m now really excited for what the future has to hold, I love hard work, I love an adventure and a challenge. So, here’s to life, bring it on!

Other participants of ‘Things I’m afraid to tell you’ (List courtesy of Jess):

Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade |Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted | The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade |Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress |Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron |Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village |Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A & B Stories |Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog |Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry | Bubby & Bean | Penelope’s Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design |Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda’s Musings | Mo’ Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty’s Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea | Maquette |Little Paper Trees | Change is Necessary for Growth |Practically Perfect | Lovely Indeed | Radiant Republic |Teacher Goes Back to School | Acute Designs | This Little Street | The Proper Pinwheel | Kellee Rich | Gluten Free Travelette | Benbrie House | Sierra BB | Lost in CheeselandGoing Home to Roost | Creative Soul in Motion | Quietly Fabulous | L’elephant Rose | The Anna Delores Blog | Some the Wiser | JRebecca Style | I Saw You Dancing |

Wave II (list found at Mimi + Meg):

Coco + Kelley / Court & Hudson / Sacramento Street / My Cup of Te / Crystal Gentilello / MIMI+MEG / The Decorista / Modern Eve / Apartment 34 / Design Blahg / Vmac & Cheese / Miles to Style / Life in a Venti Cup  / The Zhush / Radiant Republic / Savvy Home / The Doctor’s Closet / Design Manifest / Because It’s Awesome / {extra}ordinary wonders / Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha On The Go / Note To Self / So Much To Smile About / Blogstar / The Goods Design / Style & Pepper / Small Shop Studio  / Long Distance Loving / Maggie Rose Blog / The City Girl In Me / The Best Laid Plans / Concrete Jungle DC / Food Fashion Fitness / East Coast Chic



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